‘I Felt Like I Was Suffocating’

Before the pandemic, Aya Raji’s days were jam-packed. She woke up at 6:30 a.m. and took the subway to school. At night, she practiced kick-flips with her skateboarding club and hosted Twilight movie nights for friends.

Once her school in New York City turned to remote learning last spring, the days grew long and lonely. Nothing could distract her from the bleak news, as she stared at her laptop for hours during virtual class. At nights she’d be up until 4 a.m., her mind racing with anxiety.

“I felt like I was trapped in my own little house and everyone was far away,” says Aya, 15. “When you’re with friends, you’re completely distracted and you don’t think about the bad stuff going on. During the beginning of quarantine, I was so alone. All the sad things I used to brush off, I realized I couldn’t brush them off anymore.”

Students like Aya felt some relief earlier this fall, when some schools opened with a blend of remote and in-person learning, although the rigid rules and social distancing required during the pandemic still made it tough to connect. And now, with Covid caseloads surging across the country, many schools are returning to remote classes, at least temporarily.

Before the pandemic, Aya Raji’s days were jam-packed. She woke up at 6:30 a.m. and took the subway to school. At night, she practiced kick-flips with her skateboarding club. She would also occasionally host Twilight movie nights for friends.

Once her school in New York City turned to remote learning last spring, the days grew long and lonely. She stared at her laptop for hours during virtual class. Still, nothing could distract her from the bleak news. At night she’d be up until 4 a.m., her mind racing with anxiety.

“I felt like I was trapped in my own little house and everyone was far away,” says Aya, 15. “When you’re with friends, you’re completely distracted and you don’t think about the bad stuff going on. During the beginning of quarantine, I was so alone. All the sad things I used to brush off, I realized I couldn’t brush them off anymore.”

Earlier this fall, some schools opened with a blend of remote and in-person learning. That gave students like Aya some relief. But the strict rules and social distancing required during the pandemic still made it tough to connect. And now, Covid caseloads are surging across the country. That’s led many schools to temporarily return to remote classes.

The social isolation of the pandemic has taken a toll on the mental health of many Americans. But the impact has been especially severe on teens, who rely on their friends to navigate the maze and pressures of high school life.

Research shows that adolescents depend on their friendships to maintain a sense of self-worth and to manage anxiety and depression. A recent study of 3,300 high school students found that nearly one-third reported feeling unhappy or depressed in recent months. And while it might seem counterintuitive for a generation used to bonding with friends via texts, TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram, more than a quarter of those students said they did not feel connected to teachers, classmates, or their school community.

“A lot of adults assume teens have it easy,” Aya says. “But it’s hitting us the hardest.”

Since the start of the pandemic, the National Alliance on Mental Illness has heard from many young adults experiencing anxiety and depression, which the organization attributes partly to social isolation. The group has cautioned parents and teachers to look for warning signs, including severe risk-taking behavior, significant weight loss, excessive use of drugs or alcohol, and drastic changes in mood.

The proportion of children’s emergency room visits related to mental health has increased significantly during the pandemic, highlighting concerns about the psychological effects that lockdowns and social distancing have had on young people, according to a recent analysis by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Granted, for some students, the beginning of quarantine brought a measure of relief. They no longer had cliques to impress or bullies to ward off. But as stressful as adolescent relationships can be, according to Dr. Cora Breuner, they’re also essential for the formation of personal identity.

“Development of independence is thwarted or slowed way down when [young people are] sitting at home all day with parents in the next room,” says Breuner, a pediatrician and a spokeswoman for the American Academy of Pediatrics.

An important part of teen development is the realization that peers, not just parents, can be a source of emotional support. The twin crises of the pandemic and the economic downturn have imposed new personal hardships on students. Some are taking care of family members sick with Covid-19; others have been thrust into dealing with their parents’ unemployment or financial strain. Being holed up at home makes it tough to lean on friends.

The social isolation of the pandemic has taken a toll on the mental health of many Americans. But the impact has been especially severe on American youth. That’s because teens rely on their friends to navigate the maze and pressures of high school life.

Research shows that adolescents depend on their friendships to maintain a sense of self-worth and to manage anxiety and depression. A recent study of 3,300 high school students found that nearly one-third reported feeling unhappy or depressed in recent months. These results might not seem like they gel with how young people communicate with one another. This generation uses texts, TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram to bond. Still, more than a quarter of those students said they did not feel connected to teachers, classmates, or their school community.

“A lot of adults assume teens have it easy,” Aya says. “But it’s hitting us the hardest.”

Since the start of the pandemic, the National Alliance on Mental Illness has heard from many young adults experiencing anxiety and depression. The organization partly links this rise to social isolation. The group has cautioned parents and teachers to look for warning signs, including severe risk-taking behavior, significant weight loss, excessive use of drugs or alcohol, and drastic changes in mood.

The proportion of children’s emergency room visits related to mental health has increased significantly during the pandemic, according to a recent analysis by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That’s raised awareness about the psychological effects that lockdowns and social distancing have had on young people.

Granted, for some students, the beginning of quarantine brought a measure of relief. They no longer had cliques to impress or bullies to ward off. But adolescent relationships are important for the development of personal identity, even if they’re stressful, according to Dr. Cora Breuner.

“Development of independence is thwarted or slowed way down when [young people are] sitting at home all day with parents in the next room,” says Breuner, a pediatrician and a spokeswoman for the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Most teens see their parents as sources of emotional support. But a key part of teen development is learning that peers can also play a role in offering emotional support. The twin crises of the pandemic and the economic downturn have put new personal hardships on students. Some are taking care of family members sick with Covid-19. Others have been thrown into dealing with their parents’ unemployment or financial strain. Being stuck at home makes it tough to lean on friends.

When school turned remote last spring, Catherine Khella, a health teacher in New York City, asked her students to keep journals, which she read for signs of mental distress. Many were struggling but hesitant to reach out. One student wrote about feeling unmotivated to do schoolwork, getting frustrated with family members, and experiencing emotions “like no other I have ever felt.” Another student, Adolfo Jeronimo, wrote about living in a home with 15 people and becoming nocturnal to find some peace and quiet.

“I’d sleep all day because my sister was up crying, and there was barely any food,” says Adolfo, 15, a classmate of Aya’s whose father was hospitalized with Covid-19 and was unable to work for four months. “Usually my friends would’ve helped me, but I didn’t have them, so it was harder to deal with.
I felt like I was suffocating.”

Ellie Tyler lives in Philadelphia and is an 11th-grader at Pennsylvania Cyber School, which was online-only before the pandemic, so remote school wasn’t new to her. Even so, the forced isolation that dragged on for months hit her hard.

“I was going to be a counselor-in-training at camp this summer. I was looking forward to that the whole school year,” Ellie explains. “I had so much in line that was keeping me mentally healthy. When everything that I was looking forward to was canceled, it really hurt me. It just feels like there’s nothing solid to look forward to.”

The activities that young people previously relied on for stability and joy have been disrupted. Extracurricular clubs and birthday parties are mostly canceled. So are rites of passage like prom and homecoming. Students spend vast portions of their weeks staring at Zoom screens. Without school events and traditions to anticipate, many say they are struggling to get out of bed in the morning.

When school turned remote last spring, Catherine Khella, a health teacher in New York City, asked her students to keep journals. She read them for signs of mental distress. Many were struggling but hesitant to reach out. One student wrote about feeling unmotivated to do schoolwork, getting frustrated with family members, and experiencing emotions “like no other I have ever felt.” Another student, Adolfo Jeronimo, wrote about living in a home with 15 people. He wrote that he had to stay up late at night to find some peace and quiet.

“I’d sleep all day because my sister was up crying, and there was barely any food,” says Adolfo, 15, a classmate of Aya’s whose father was hospitalized with Covid-19 and was unable to work for four months. “Usually my friends would’ve helped me, but I didn’t have them, so it was harder to deal with. I felt like I was suffocating.”

Ellie Tyler lives in Philadelphia and is an 11th-grader at Pennsylvania Cyber School. Her school was online-only before the pandemic, so remote school wasn’t new to her. Even so, the forced isolation that dragged on for months hit her hard.

“I was going to be a counselor-in-training at camp this summer. I was looking forward to that the whole school year,” Ellie explains. “I had so much in line that was keeping me mentally healthy. When everything that I was looking forward to was canceled, it really hurt me. It just feels like there’s nothing solid to look forward to.”

The activities that young people relied on for stability and joy have been disrupted. Extracurricular clubs and birthday parties are mostly canceled. So are rites of passage like prom and homecoming. Students spend long stretches of their weeks staring at Zoom screens. This has meant there are no school events and traditions for teens to get excited about. Many of them say that all of this has made them struggle to get out of bed in the morning.

“It’s been anxiety which feeds into insomnia,” Colby Peck, who graduated in the spring from Woodside High School, in Woodside, California, told a CBS news station. “Since I have insomnia, I’m not getting enough sleep, which results in more anxiety. And then you just fall into this slump where it’s never-ending.”

Ayden Hufford, 15, is a high school sophomore in Rye, New York, a suburban area north of New York City. He identifies as a “theater kid,” and was looking forward to his school play and Science Olympiad. With those out of the question now, he turned to an online meeting for student leadership council for inspiration. But he had trouble staying engaged with the Zoom conversation.

“I laid down with my camera off and waited for it to be over,” he says. “It’s sad and somewhat lonely.”

Ayden says forming new connections with classmates is nearly impossible in a virtual setting: “Unless you try extremely hard, there’s no chance to make new friends this year.”

“It’s been anxiety which feeds into insomnia,” Colby Peck, who graduated in the spring from Woodside High School, in Woodside, California, told a CBS news station. “Since I have insomnia, I’m not getting enough sleep, which results in more anxiety. And then you just fall into this slump where it’s never-ending.”

Ayden Hufford, 15, is a high school sophomore in Rye, New York, a suburban area north of New York City. He identifies as a “theater kid,” and was looking forward to his school play and Science Olympiad. With those out of the question now, he turned to an online meeting for student leadership council for inspiration. But he had trouble staying engaged with the Zoom conversation.

“I laid down with my camera off and waited for it to be over,” he says. “It’s sad and somewhat lonely.”

Ayden says forming new connections with classmates is nearly impossible in a virtual setting: “Unless you try extremely hard, there’s no chance to make new friends this year.”

Researchers have begun investigating how today’s high school students will cope with the long-term consequences of the pandemic, in terms of the disruption of their education and their economic futures. The social impacts are perhaps a bit clearer. Children typically learn the basics of making friends at a young age, but high school is a crucial period for developing nuanced communication skills.

“Learning how to navigate the inner webs of relationships happens in high school,” says Dr. Jessi Gold, a psychiatrist at Washington University in St. Louis. “When you retreat behind a computer, you lose some of those social skills.”

Nevertheless, some students are choosing to find positives to focus on also. Ellie says the quarantine experience has had a silver lining for her.

“I feel like a lot of maturing has happened over this period of time, because I’ve had so much time for self-reflection,” she says. “It’s been difficult, but it’s also been really fulfilling because I’ve learned so much about myself.”

Researchers have begun investigating how today’s high school students will cope with the long-term consequences of the pandemic, in terms of the disruption of their education and their economic futures. The social impacts are perhaps a bit clearer. Children typically learn the basics of making friends at a young age, but high school is a crucial period for developing nuanced communication skills.

“Learning how to navigate the inner webs of relationships happens in high school,” says Dr. Jessi Gold, a psychiatrist at Washington University in St. Louis. “When you retreat behind a computer, you lose some of those social skills.”

Even so, some students are choosing to find positives to focus on also. Ellie says the quarantine experience has had a silver lining for her.

“I feel like a lot of maturing has happened over this period of time, because I’ve had so much time for self-reflection,” she says. “It’s been difficult, but it’s also been really fulfilling because I’ve learned so much about myself.”

Counselors and teens are exploring creative coping strategies. Nandini Ahuja, a social worker at Leadership and Public Service High School in New York City, asked her students to write letters to someone or something they are grieving, whether a family member or a concept like senior prom. Ayden says his mental health improved when he got a pet hamster, which he named Astrid.

And whenever possible, teens need to see their friends.

“Kids need time to be kids again without thinking about all the worries going on in the world,” says Jennifer Rothman, senior manager of youth and young adult initiatives at the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

As the months wear on, Aya is rebuilding healthy habits—spending time with friends outside and getting to sleep at a reasonable hour, so she can feel energized for school. She has started meditating and listening to indie rock songs to calm her nerves. But she still wrestles with the amount of time she spends alone in her thoughts.

“Being in another person’s presence makes you feel OK,” she says. “When I can’t see my friends, I feel like the world is caving in.”

Counselors and teens are exploring creative coping strategies. Nandini Ahuja, a social worker at Leadership and Public Service High School in New York City, asked her students to write letters to someone or something they are grieving, whether a family member or a concept like senior prom. Ayden says his mental health improved when he got a pet hamster, which he named Astrid.

And whenever possible, teens need to see their friends.

“Kids need time to be kids again without thinking about all the worries going on in the world,” says Jennifer Rothman, senior manager of youth and young adult initiatives at the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

As the months wear on, Aya is rebuilding healthy habits. She is spending time with friends outside. And she now goes to bed at a reasonable hour, which has helped her feel energized for school. She has also started meditating and listening to indie rock songs to calm her nerves. But she still wrestles with the amount of time she spends alone in her thoughts.

“Being in another person’s presence makes you feel OK,” she says. “When I can’t see my friends, I feel like the world is caving in.”

Emma Goldberg is a reporter for The Times. Additional reporting by Patricia Smith.

Emma Goldberg is a reporter for The Times. Additional reporting by Patricia Smith.